Coaching Conversations Part 2

This is part 2 of Coaching Conversations. See Coaching Conversations Part 1. In the first part, we covered what coaching is, why we need to use it selectively, combine it with mentoring and directing, and how to deal with coachees depending on how ready they are to be coached.

In this part, we explore the results-based coaching model.

Coaching conversations can vary greatly between people and don’t follow a set pattern. We have to practice the skills of asking questions and listening for responses, and we have to look for opportunities for change.

A very common feeling we leaders have is that we do not have enough time to complete a coaching conversation. Regardless, it is better to start than not to start due to being discouraged by the lack of time. We should practice having powerful conversations by remembering a few simple questions.

Q: Do you have a moment for some feedback? A: (likely affirmative) Q: In that last meeting, I noticed that you cut off some people when they raised a new idea. A: (likely not defensive yet) Q: What do you think is the impact of that on the team’s ability to come up with innovative ideas? A: (respond and we focus on listening)

The Results-Based Coaching Model gives a structure to plan coaching conversations. Each time we start to do anything new, it is helpful to have a process to follow. Over time, we still need to develop our own style of coaching conversations. Always keep in mind the goal is to look for opportunities to assist others in enhancing their performance.

A coaching process has four intertwined phases. We can move from one phase to the other fluidly.

Outcomes: what is the desired outcome of this conversation? Information: what information is needed to understand the situation? Strategy: who needs to take what actions? Results: what will success look like?

From here on I’ll call the the ORIS phases.

Often, we gloss over different issues and situations. It takes a few questions to pinpoint the issue to focus on. When we have a focus, we can explore outcomes and agree on the desired outcomes. It is helpful to resist jumping into solutions too early.

Coaching Practices

LHH shares six coaching practices:

• Ask, don’t tell
• Reframe the picture
• In-the-Moment feedback
• Truth talk
• Explore possibilities
• Create partnerships

I came up with an abbreviation for myself that’s easy to remember: ARMTEC.

Out of the six, “Ask, Don’t Tell” is probably the simplest but very hard to master. I’ll focus on my takeaways from this technique.

It’s human nature to want to provide answers and solutions. It is easier to believe we understand the problem without all the history, context, and feelings of other people in the situation. A better approach is to keep practicing the combination of asking focused questions and listening effectively.

Asking questions can empower people to think differently about a situation. Good questions help people form their own answers, sometimes with creativity and energy.

But first, not every conversation is a coaching conversation. Sometimes, you need to be the manager. I use ChatGPT to generate a few scenarios to differentiate when to coach versus when to manage as follows.

When to Coach	When to Manage
Development Goals: When an employee wants to set personal or professional growth goals.	Directive Actions: When immediate action is required to address urgent issues.
Example: “What skills do you want to develop in the next quarter?”	Example: “I need you to complete the report by end of day today.”
Problem-Solving: When an employee faces a challenge and needs to explore potential solutions.	Setting Clear Expectations: When defining roles, responsibilities, or deadlines.
Example: “What options have you considered for resolving this issue?”	Example: “Your primary focus this week should be on finalizing the client presentation.”
Increasing Engagement: When you want to empower employees to take ownership of their tasks.	Performance Issues: When addressing specific performance concerns that need correction.
Example: “How do you think you could make this project more engaging for the team?”	Example: “I’ve noticed you missed several deadlines recently. Let’s discuss how we can improve this.”
Building Self-Awareness: When you want to help employees reflect on their performance.	Policy Compliance: When ensuring adherence to company policies or procedures.
Example: “What do you think went well in your recent project, and what could be improved?”	Example: “It’s crucial that we follow the new security protocols starting immediately.”
Encouraging Initiative: When an employee has ideas and you want to encourage them to take action.	Crisis Management: When managing crises that require quick, decisive action.
Example: “How would you implement your idea for improving our workflow?”	Example: “We need to address the customer complaint immediately. Please follow up with them today.”

It is challenging for leaders to know when to ask or tell during a coaching session. This goes back to the need for situational leadership: when to apply coaching, mentoring, and directing in the same conversation. I always try to favor coaching so that I can keep practicing better techniques, but I have to decide whether to coach or to tell based on the time we have, face-to-face or via chat.

The Skill of Asking

There are different types of questions, such as open-ended, diagnostic, and closed-ended questions. They correspond to our need to inquire, probe, or direct.

I find it most useful to practice putting the questions into the right bucket in the 4 ORIS phase.

Phase	Example questions
Outcomes	What would you like to discuss? What do you want the outcome to be? What are you trying to achieve? What would you want to be different as a result of this conversation? What’s not happening that you want to happen?
Results	What options do you pursue? What help or support do you need? What’s one thing you will do? What’s the first step you’ll take? How will you avoid that? How will you measure that? How would [your role model] do in your situation?
Information	What’s causing the issue? What’s the perception of others involved? What’s happening right now at your job? Anything else that’s relevant?
Strategy	What options do you have? What could you do to change the situation? Who can help? What are possible obstacles?

What are some best practices to formulate questions?

If we are not careful, asking questions can cause confrontation or tension. One intuitive technique is using “and” instead of “but” to keep people engaged. It is confusing to ask more than one question at a time, obviously. We can also use lead-in statements instead of questions, such as “Help me understand…,” “Tell me more…,” “I am curious about…,”

There are counterintuitive techniques to note as well. Why questions can be powerful, and it’s tempting to ask Why, but it’s better to avoid them to avoid sounding accusatory. We should also refrain from explaining your questions. Finally, we should avoid leading questions, such as if they should agree with something.

The Skill of Listening

Is listening just waiting for our turn to speak? We all know it’s a No, but our brain behaves differently.

I struggle with this every day. Here’s a reminder of the steps I need to follow:

• Listen without thinking ahead.
• Listen without thinking of the next question.
• Listen without formulating the response.
• Listen to understand
• Clarify, reframe, and summarize.

As someone who likes to think on my feet, I have been forcing myself to slow down and use silence and pauses.

What do we listen for?

We listen for facts and information. We also intuitively think that’s all there is or get caught up in facts versus non-facts. Paying closer attention, can we listen for feelings and emotions? At a deeper level, can we have a sense of their values and beliefs?

In a Coaching workshop I attended, we had a good exercise in a group of four. One person tells a story, and the other 3 people listen to only one specific layer each:

• Facts and information
• Feelings and emotions
• Values and beliefs

A simple takeaway is that if I take notes, I should not write down only facts and information, which is what I do most of the time. I need to shift towards either noting less on the facts or spending time reviewing my notes to capture feelings and values. By practicing multi-level listening, we can derive meaning beyond what is being said and take the time to formulate the next questions to go deeper.

That’s all for my own notes this time. I could talk about other coaching practices in Part 3, but this type of post is probably too dry and academic. They are helpful for me to write them, but it’s probably terrible for any audience. Over time, I hope to anonymize some of the coaching conversations I practice at work to share stories that are relatable, enjoyable, or just surprising.

Next: Learning From Another Blog