I had a wonderful teppanyaki dinner with close friends in Jakarta today. Through my friend, I met Vega. Being good at conversations, Vega asked me how I got into endurance sports such as marathons and triathlons so that I could exercise every day. He said he lacks the willpower to exercise every day.
I shared that each person has their own story. He is successful in his career and demonstrates a lot of willpower. I shared what works for me: I rely on identity more on willpower.
Willpower is a limited and valuable resource. It is not easy to refuel willpower. Does anyone know how to do that? Do we regain willpower after a good nightās sleep or a weekend with family? When we canāt get ourselves to do something, we blame it on willpower, as my new friend Vega said about maintaining his exercise routine.
In my 20s through early 30s, my willpower was good. If I had a lot of work to do, I would stay up late or all night to work. If I had to wake up to work after a late night partying with friends, I could will myself to get out of bed. I would sometimes crash on my desk or on a couch during the day. Willpower solves the current needs, not the future needs. It also creates an imbalance. I have to pay back later for that power of will I pulled.
Vega shared with me that the āidentityā thing resonates with him. As a Muslim, itās natural for him to make time to wake up early to pray. They pray many times a day at a stipulated time. Is it five times or seven times? If this requires willpower, it could be so draining. However, this is empowering.
Indeed, relying on identity instead has been a game changer for me. Although it does not apply to everything, it is perfect for building habits and learning new skills. Iām not an expert, but I wanted to explore a few questions that help me keep my habits. Who are you? What do you do? Why do you do that? What if you run into adversities? How do you know youāre doing it right?
I started running in August 2019, and initially, I could only run for a few kilometers and kept it up. If I go back to that time, I would answer the above questions as follows:
Who are you? Iām a runner. What do you do? I run almost every day. Why do you do that? I like the idea of being a runner. I want to feel like itās something I do What if you get injured? I probably. Iāve seen a lot of experienced runners with injuries. But they also develop knowledge to care for themselves and recover. How do you know if you are running right? I donāt at first. Nothing works well the first time. Iāll improve gradually and ask for help later. And the list goes on. I can think of a few more identity-related questions.
I donāt have to be good at running to call myself a runner. Itās just an identity I choose.
Iām into triathlons, especially Ironman middle and long distances, so I also maintain multiple identities: Iām a swimmer and a cyclist. Iām a triathlete, and fitness is one of my top priorities. I train 7 hours a week during off-seasons and more than 10 hours weekly for three months close to a race. I know the expectations and the drills by now. I didnāt need to know when I started, but I adopted the identity.
I apply the same mindset to my two new habits. Writing and learning German.
Who are you? Iām a writer. Yes, it seems silly because I only started 2 weeks ago. What do you do? I write every day. Why do you do that? Writing is a form of thinking, and itās a tool to expose my flaws in thinking so that I can improve. Itās one of the most important foundational skills. What if you get mental fatigue? What if you donāt know what to write? What if your schedule is all messed up? I expect those to happen. Being a beginner writer does not mean these problems will stand in my way. Experienced writers will have the same problem. How do you know if youāre writing right? I use tools. I track activities. But I know to keep going more than to improve based on feedback. As a beginner, I can probably spot my own mistakes easily enough. As I become more experienced, I will need to find the right people to learn from. That would be a good problem, but I would have to treat myself like a writer first.
Who are you? Iām a German language learner. What do you do? I practice German every day Why do you do that? 100% commitment is easier than 98% What if you donāt improve? Learning is life-long. Improvement isnāt guaranteed, and sometimes it is fast, sometimes slow. Experts still have to ask this question to be conscious of their development. What if you could invest your time in something else that would be more useful? Itās always possible. I have a couple of clear Whys and am willing to take that risk. I like the person I would become if I could speak German.
I have many interests, but the new interests have forced me to say no to many other things. If I only budget 30 minutes daily for writing and another 15 minutes for learning German, I may not spend enough time for significant growth. Itās like exercising every day, not getting any fitter (but longevity should be improving). However, thatās the topic for another day.
Next: April Recap